Ride Me Down Easy

  Went in for my chemo Monday and started reading my medical book again. Started to remember what my oncologist said. I most likely wont live long enough to retire (that sucks). I will be taken by melanoma and it will be painful ( that sucks more).

  I tried to explain this to my ex whom I have been fighting with about time with my daughter and she either refuse's to understand or ignores because it bothers her. Maybe a lightening bolt would wake her up.

  I know she has her trials with the adoption of her brothers four children. I have tried to help and be a positive source for her but she just keeps on blaming me for not staying with her.

  Yes I took the selfish path but I knew if we stayed together we would totally hate each other at least this way we can be friends even though we fight.

  If I haven't stated before I have a 28 year old son that is unbelievable and a 9  year old daughter that owns my heart. Yes I have a permanent reminder of a temporary feeling. But I would not trade a second of my life with either of them for anything.

  Well enough of my boring life for today.

Sunday Morning Coming Down

 I would love to be off tomorrow, just don't want to burn vacation days. Another boring week and tomorrow starts the same old thing. Chemo, being tired but none on Wednesday I may actually party New Years Eve. Well fireworks off the back of the boat anyway.

  Wish this semi warm weather would stick around. Only two months of it to go. I can't wait to cruise the river and hit the sand bars. The thoughts keep me warm. 

Christmas in Prison

  Didn't get to see my daughter her mom is punishing me again. I stopped by to talk to her today and hopefully it will get better.

  Sammi is sitting across from me playing on her ds and I am getting a little tired from the injection chemo. It's still better than the IV.

  Matt sent a book on Key West and it is perfect. I am reading it and getting ready for the trip.

  Even though the rKansas winters tend to be mild I still don't like them. I started up the pontoon boat and it needs new plugs. I wish I could pull it and work on it but I don't have a trailer. Oh well maybe this spring I will have a chance.

I hate Sunday night

  I am almost back to normal. I still taste metal or something that taste like s#!^. I guess I should look for online support but I have Top Cat looking out for me.

  I am so looking forward to Key West next month. If I could retire somewhere that would be the place. 

  Well tomorrow is one more go at maintenance of my melanoma. It's hard to know there is no cure, it will always be there. 
Oh well if I can have a few years of retirement on the Gulf and a few more of Matt and Sam I will be happy.  

   Sorry to be so negative I'm not really just a little too realistic maybe. 

   Oh yes Christmas is in 4 days and I love that celebration. 

  I'm OK just in need of that vacation!!!!!

Friday Night use to be Mine

 Had my third session of the week and it sucked. Still feeling the effects from Wednesday and then I get one more.

  Went to get Sammi at school and got to sit for two hours watching their assembly.

   I laid around on a Friday night while Sam lead about ten people on a caroling tour of the Marina she finally showed back up about 10:45 still ready to play. I wonder where she gets this love of Friday nights?

   The weather has been great but getting back down tonight. God I don't like winter. Counting the days till Key West!!

   Anyone reading this that prays say one for a cure, chant, meditate, think positive, or just have a cold beer and remember a good friend and good time.  see ya

Lot to catch up on

  

  I feel like I played hooky today just couldn't handle work. I should have started this a long time ago.

  Twenty four years ago I had a melanoma mole removed, March 08 had a malignant lymph node removed and was "cancer free" then May 28th I had my first Chemo therapy. Since then it has been three days a week with a dose of stronger stuff added every three weeks. But I did keep my hair.

  Now hopefully in January I will be declared in remission and spend my savings on a trip to Key West for a week. I will try my best to go back to work after that but no promises.

  Next week is Christmas and my nine year old is excited and my twenty eight year old is going to his mom's.

  I have a niece getting rid of breast cancer and she has definitely been an inspiration. Our conversations have gotten me through a few down times and I try my best not to bring her down.

  Well I am getting tired, trying to get over my double dose kinda makes me drag.